The penalty for a child. How should it be?

Shortly after the family appears the child, the question of his proper upbringing. As one of the main regulators of its behavior parents use punishment. How should it be? Whether to apply physical punishment? Can I do to avoid punishment?



Physical punishment - the recognition of powerlessness

Every sensible parent must understand for themselves a simple thing: physical punishment - a dead-end road. Besides the fact that physical punishment is immoral, it is also ineffective. When you use physical punishment, the child becomes an overly compliant, or too stubborn, and often vindictive. He focuses on how to settle accounts with those who would punish, and not thinking about the consequences of his misconduct, that the lesson to learn for themselves.



People exposed to physical punishment in childhood, may have serious problems in the sexual sphere, in communion with the opposite sex. Typically, these people hardly take his body. Psychologists working in the field "telesnoorientirovannoy therapy, note that these adults can be easily recognized by their characteristic muscular terminals in the neck and shoulders, as well as in the pelvic area, which affects posture and gait.



Physical punishment - the very real violence. In order to understand what a child feels when applied to that physical punishment, there is a special psychological device.
Psychologist asks one of the spouses to stand on a chair, and another to sit next to squat and look at the bottom of the item. Thus simulated ratio in the growth between baby and adult.



"Now try to wipe and to shout angrily at someone who at the bottom", - asks the psychologist standing on a chair and turns to sitting: "Well, what you feel now? Now imagine that this giant, you now have and will strike.



Ignoring

For most children the most important thing - it's your attention. You have to know that most of the bad deeds committed by our children because of the desire to be noticed.

In this case you should warn the child that if he will do so again (shout out loud in a public place), then you stop talking to him until the child apologize. Of course, the child immediately wants to check it and after several attempts, making sure no longer perform this act.
But even such a punishment is in a range of child traumatic feelings: resentment, anger, shame, powerlessness, a sense of injustice and guilt. Guilt is usually very strong and oppressive, if the child thinks the punishment "deserved", but form with it a new skill or character trait is very difficult.



By the same penalty erects a barrier between parent and child. It turns out that the act of punishment is concentrating full responsibility for the offense on a child, although if you look wider, then the responsibility of parents for a child's behavior is the most immediate.



Remember the old truth - there are no bad students, only bad teacher?

Punishing a child is often necessary, but not least, seldom is the evidence of your helplessness, inability to explain the child why something can not be done, but he is unable otherwise to understand it. Punishing you signs of its inability to be an educator. Until recently, looking for an alternative to punishment. Moreover, there is not too little.



Distract



When you need to stop the wrong actions of a small child, remember that at this age, he lives in the visual world. Sometimes, instead of punishment or even instead of the explanations that are not always effective if the child is excited, you can just pick him up and carried away to another place where he would settle down and switch to something else. Finally, you can distract the child. Come, for example, to the window, looking out into the street, loudly say: "And what is interesting, and ran the strange big dog?" Show some fantasy!



Show their feelings

A parent who does not want to punish, do not have to hide their negative feelings that inevitably arise as a result of his improper behavior of the child: it is perfectly acceptable expression of regret, disappointment, anger, pain, anger, but not charged.





Proper nakazanieSpustya some time after the child in the family there, the question of his proper upbringing. As one of the main regulators of its behavior parents use punishment. How should it be? Whether to apply physical punishment? Can I do to avoid punishment?



Physical punishment - the recognition of powerlessness

Every sensible parent must understand for themselves a simple thing: physical punishment - a dead-end road. Besides the fact that physical punishment is immoral, it is also ineffective. When you use physical punishment, the child becomes an overly compliant, or too stubborn, and often vindictive. He focuses on how to settle accounts with those who would punish, and not thinking about the consequences of his misconduct, that the lesson to learn for themselves.



People exposed to physical punishment in childhood, may have serious problems in the sexual sphere, in communion with the opposite sex. Typically, these people hardly take his body. Psychologists working in the field "telesnoorientirovannoy therapy, note that these adults can be easily recognized by their characteristic muscular terminals in the neck and shoulders, as well as in the pelvic area, which affects posture and gait.



Physical punishment - the very real violence. In order to understand what a child feels when applied to that physical punishment, there is a special psychological device.

Image

Psychologist asks one of the spouses to stand on a chair, and another to sit next to squat and look at the bottom of the item. Thus simulated ratio in the growth between baby and adult.



"Now try to wipe and to shout angrily at someone who at the bottom", - asks the psychologist standing on a chair and turns to sitting: "Well, what you feel now? Now imagine that this giant, you now have and will strike.



Ignoring

For most children the most important thing - it's your attention. You have to know that most of the bad deeds committed by our children because of the desire to be noticed.

In this case you should warn the child that if he will do so again (shout out loud in a public place), then you stop talking to him until the child apologize. Of course, the child immediately wants to check it and after several attempts, making sure no longer perform this act.



Image

But even such a punishment is in a range of child traumatic feelings: resentment, anger, shame, powerlessness, a sense of injustice and guilt. Guilt is usually very strong and oppressive, if the child thinks the punishment "deserved", but form with it a new skill or character trait is very difficult.



By the same penalty erects a barrier between parent and child. It turns out that the act of punishment is concentrating full responsibility for the offense on a child, although if you look wider, then the responsibility of parents for a child's behavior is the most immediate.



Remember the old truth - there are no bad students, only bad teacher?

Punishing a child is often necessary, but not least, seldom is the evidence of your helplessness, inability to explain the child why something can not be done, but he is unable otherwise to understand it. Punishing you signs of its inability to be an educator. Until recently, looking for an alternative to punishment. Moreover, there is not too little.



Distract



When you need to stop the wrong actions of a small child, remember that at this age, he lives in the visual world. Sometimes, instead of punishment or even instead of the explanations that are not always effective if the child is excited, you can just pick him up and carried away to another place where he would settle down and switch to something else. Finally, you can distract the child. Come, for example, to the window, looking out into the street, loudly say: "And what is interesting, and ran the strange big dog?" Show some fantasy!



Show their feelings

A parent who does not want to punish, do not have to hide their negative feelings that inevitably arise as a result of his improper behavior of the child: it is perfectly acceptable expression of regret, disappointment, anger, pain, anger, but not charged.

Image

Normal and even desirable manifestation of these emotions. For one such feedback can show the child that he goes wrong.



Collaborate

One effective way to correct the child's behavior can be a joint reflection on the reasons for his misbehavior and how to change the situation for the better.
In this case, you are acting not as adversaries but as equal partners, are working together on a plan of attack on the general problem. Stay for your child experienced and caring "big brother" or "elder sister". Try to avoid all of the words "who is to blame," wine ". Say instead, "why," that prevented ".



Swap

Ask your child to teach you something - let it foe your teacher. This can be anything - from the ability to draw a funny way of monsters to fill a football. The most important thing for some time, albeit conditionally, the child will feel in your role. It develops in him the responsibility and ability to be an adult.



Do not tempt

Get your child to control himself, to overcome temptations, try it does not put him in too heavy for the fragile mental condition, in other words, do not provoke him to violate the rules you set.
For example, if you deliberately put on the table, candy and say that would be sweet after the main meal, you can submit it to the voltage.



Love

The real alternative to punishment is the love, acceptance, focused training and consistent education. Certainly, the child must know, respect, and respect the boundaries, rules and regulations set by adults. But it will be much easier to do this in an atmosphere of love and understanding, if he would feel a genuine concern on the part of parents.
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